Wasting my time

Wasting my time

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Life is beautiful and I'm wasting it on stupid things. I have priorities and I should stick to them, so from now on I'll do my best to get through this.
There are noises in my head, but they're getting more distant everyday. I'm trying to turn them off for good; I just hope it doesn't take long.
I'm convinced that I am selfish, just look at how many times the words "I", "my", "me" and "myself" were used.
I 'm not sure when this happened, but I would have never thought that I would be that kind of girl: The narrow-minded, almost depressed, selfish one. All I know is that it's hurting me and annoying the people around me.
I've got my eyes open now, I can see that I changed for the good AND the bad, but I'm willing to fight that evil part in me.
I don't expect you readers to relate to this or pretend to understand. I'm not asking for help or sympathy either. These are just facts and promises I'm making to myself.


PS: It might me my last post, for ever.
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# Posté le lundi 02 novembre 2009 16:51

10 Things I hate about you.


The poem is from the movie that most of you should know " 10 things I hate about you" starring Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger. It says exactly how I feel right now.
Here's the video from the movie.

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big, dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
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# Posté le lundi 26 octobre 2009 15:23

If only gravity didn't exist

If only gravity didn't exist
Sunday, October 26th, 2009.

I bet you all know the cliché sentence: "I want the Earth to open up and swallow me". Well It's almost how I feel but I'm not the one who should be underground, I want HIM to be swallowed, to disappear from my life, I don't want to see that face every single day, I need to get over him, to stop thinking about him, but how am I supposed to if he talk to me everyday, every time I close my eyes it's his face that I see and I get disgusted because I shouldn't. Hala tries so hard to make me forget him, calls me stupid and pathetic and I know she's right. It's so pathetic to be more and more in love with someone who seems more and more unreachable every day.
I need to stop thinking, thinking about everything, about him, about life, about every stupid minute I spend on Earth. I wish my brain had and "OFF" button. I know I shouldn't feel like this, I have other priorities, this year is really important, I can't screw it over a boy, a boy who doesn't even deserve me.
Sara Bareilles' song has a special meaning right now: Gravity (8)

"Something always brings me back to you
And it never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
Still feel you here to the moment I'm wrong
*****
You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
Never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and then feel your rain
*****
Set me free
Leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity [...]
*****
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me DOWN"


Just like Benje said two weeks ago, I have to find my R, the other power that would take me out of this gravity, I think I didn't do my best at searching, maybe I'll just start all over again.
My brain is tired, my soul is tired, and my body is tired too. With the constant headaches, the nose bleeds, my neck, my arms and my HEART (both the figurative and the real meaning), I feel like I could collapse at any moment, but I'm trying not to.
I know my text are beautiful or meaningful, I'm writing just because I need to, I believe that if I don't I'll go crazy.
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# Posté le dimanche 25 octobre 2009 15:57

Modifié le lundi 26 octobre 2009 17:37